You are allowed to change your mind.
I can’t promise it will always be comfortable, but I can promise you that you are allowed. There is no rule saying you can’t. Your decisions do not have to be set in stone. If you change your mind and decide to go a different direction, that’s perfectly okay. It does not mean you have failed or given up. Instead it means that you are taking responsibility for your own life and making choices that are right for you. So don’t be afraid to take a risk. Embrace the uncertainty and make decisions based on what is best for you.
When I was 16, I was dead set on becoming a teacher. By the time I turned 18, I was totally captivated by criminology. And at 20, all I wanted was to let my creativity flow as a writer. But at 22, reality hit me hard—I needed a job to tackle those student loans. Every time my dreams shifted, guilt would eat away at me. I battled with the agony of changing paths, scared of failing. But as the years went by, I learned to embrace the ever-changing nature of my aspirations. New knowledge lit up my path and self-discovery opened up new possibilities. I conquered that guilt, that nagging feeling of not measuring up, because I had to be true to myself. Time taught me that it’s perfectly okay to not have all the answers, and it’s perfectly okay to change my mind. Society made me think that changing my trajectory was a flaw, but I broke free from those chains. Look, having a plan is important. Striving for success is commendable. But guess what? Plans can be reimagined and success can be redefined. Giving up doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Changing course and adjusting the game plan doesn’t make you any less worthy.
Have you ever wondered where these intrusive thoughts came from—the pressure to have everything figured out, as if not knowing meant failure? I recall being asked, time and time again as a child, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It seemed that everyone had an expectation for me to have a definitive answer and a solid plan. But how could I, as a teenager, possibly know what I wanted to pursue in adulthood? Why was not having a clear direction deemed a problem?
I found that whenever I couldn’t answer the question, I would get even more questions. “What do you like to do?” “What about a lawyer?” “What about a doctor?”
And then I would also get their opinions thrown in there too. “You need a job that makes a lot of money.” “You need to know, so you can pick your college major.” “You should know what you like to do.” “You need a good job to be successful.”
Of course I wanted to be known as a good child. I wanted to be successful, I wanted to please the people around me, and I wanted to be perfect. And to do that everyone was saying I needed to know what I wanted to do. So, what happens next? I pick something. Fear that I will let everyone down if I change my mind. So, I stick with it. I go to school for it. I take classes that I hate. And I grapple with the anxiety that I am stuck with this decision in order to be successful.
Then two years into my college degree it hits me. I am the only one that has to live with my decisions. I do not want to be an elementary school teacher. I can be successful even if I change my path. So, that’s what I did. And guess what? I did it again, multiple times over the last 12 years as well until I found something aligned with who I am and what I wanted to do with my life. It was so worth it! I’ve never looked back. Now, I help others find their “golden path” and that is the greatest joy of all.
Changing your mind is a natural part of life. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or given up; it means you’re taking responsibility for your own path. Embrace uncertainty, follow your true passions, and redefine success on your own terms. Remember, it’s okay to change your mind.
Here are my top five tips to help you truly believe that you are allowed to change your mind without guilt, shame, or fear.
- You are the only person who has to live with yourself forever.
- Listen to your inner voice, but make sure to check in to see if that voice is actually yours and not formed by the words of others.
- Journal it out. Things inside our head get a little jumbled, so try writing it down or recording yourself talking it out loud. (Here is my favorite notebook to use!)
- Look at the patterns that have happened to you when you stuck with something you didn’t want.
- Remind yourself as much as you need to that it’s okay to change your mind.
If you’re looking for some help with this and are ready to break the “rules” to find the freedom to be yourself, then work with me! Together we can uncover your true potential and give you the confidence to change your mind and be 100% you. More details about my coaching program available here.
Your friendly neighborhood exorcist (of negative self talk), banisher of self-doubt, and tough love bestie